6 Things That Keep Passion Alive In A Relationship

Simon Samuels
6 min readNov 2, 2020
Photo: Wevibe @ Unsplash

For many relationships sexual passion wanes as time passes. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way; two thirds of couples who have satisfying sexual lives report having the same levels of passion that they did at the beginning of their relationships. I’m going to show you 6 ways that you can keep the passion alive within your relationship (based on research by Frederick, D. A. et al. (2016).) If you’re stretched for time or want a quick way to remember them all I’ve made and included a summary of them in the infographic at the bottom of the page.

Sexual Communication

Without communicating your desires and sexual likes how will your partner be able to keep you satisfied? The answer is they can’t. Communication around your sexual needs is vital to keeping passion alive. If you’re not communicating your sexual needs then you won’t be fully satisfied and if you aren’t fully satisfied then passion quickly begins to die.

Couples who communicate their sexual likes and dislikes as well as their sexual fantasies all report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Communicating sexual likes and desires is one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. It will help all aspects of your relationship from sexual satisfaction to your communication skills to start practising being open about your sexual desires.

Having a healthy and happy relationship makes communicating your sexual needs much easier to do. When you’re on good terms with each other, your communication is healthy, and you meet each other’s needs, then you’ll find communicating about your sexual desires far easier.

Mood Setting

Taking time to set the mood for sex has a real impact to how satisfied you feel. Making an effort to set the mode intensifies passion. We are sensual creatures, arousal involves all of our senses, what we see, what we hear, what we smell, what we taste, and what we touch. Try to arouse all your partner’s senses when you’re planning your mood setting.

Things that you can use include: Music, candles, lighting, scents, romantic meals, bathing, massage, food & drink, and gentle kissing. You might also want to have some of your favourite foods prepared in advance to have after making love such as chocolates, fruits, or any other foods you find sensual and pleasurable.

Foreplay really is one of the key components to making passion come alive within a relationship. But it doesn’t just include the mood setting things that you do. As the relationship psychologist John Gottman says foreplay includes any of the good things you do for your partner during the day. It’s the spending time to kiss your partner goodbye as you both part for work. It’s taking the 20 minutes to catch up when you get home and see how your partner’s day went. It’s the messages and phone calls you make during the day to check in with each other. It’s doing the dishes and the laundry.

Any of the positive actions you take towards your partner and your relationship during the day is all part of foreplay. It all goes to get a positive mood in your relationship so that your partner is going to feel good about making love later that day.

Sexual Variety

Having the same type of sex every time gets boring, that’s why keeping things fresh is so important. Trying new sex positions can help with this. So can switching up location, setting the mood by using things like sensual lighting, and partaking in role play.

Over time it becomes harder to come up with new ideas, that’s where reading can help you: Checking out articles about sex online, buying books on sex, and reading magazine can all help give you fresh ideas. Movies can also be a really interesting way to come up with ideas. You might want to try and recreate some of the more steamy scenes together.

There are also apps that give you different sex positions to try every day as a way of motivating you to switch things up. I highly recommend a karma sutra book too or any book with sexual positions, flicking through them with your partner can be a fun way to start some foreplay.


It goes without saying that the most passionate couple have the most orgasms. Each person is different and has different desires and turn-ons that help them to reach orgasm. But as a general rule things that help include: Having a loving and healthy relationship, taking the time to have foreplay, fulfilling each other’s sexual desires, and making sure you are taking good care of your body so you feel physically fit.

For people in relationships with men don’t forget that men have nipples too and many of them can orgasm from nipple play so don’t neglect them!

For people in relationships with woman that means you’re going to want to pay close attention to the clitoris and the desires of your partner. The clitoris is incredibly sensitive so be gentle, listen to the feedback from your partner and adjust to what they enjoy. Men I’m talking to you: do not neglect the clitoris or go too hard on it, take note.

It’s also important to stay physically healthy. If you notice you suddenly can’t have orgasms or they aren’t as strong as you’re used to then it could be due to a physical health problem and you should see your doctor for a check-up just to be on the safe side. Things such as back problems etc. can impact on your ability to orgasm.

Oral Sex

The couple who are the most satisfied with their relationship all have higher levels of giving and receiving oral sex. The research isn’t clear why this is but if I’d take an educated guess it’s probably as it feels great and adds variety to your sex life. As long as your partner enjoys oral sex then there’s no downsides to adding it in during sex.

Don’t forget to experiment with oral sex and to communicate with your partner about how they like it.

Sex Frequency

The more often couples engage in sexual activity the more satisfied they are. If you’re not having sex enough it shows there’s some sort of problem with intimacy going on, and naturally passion relies on intimacy.

Increasing the frequency of having sex might mean for you that you schedule it in with your partner. That might sound a bit formal but it can also help give you both the incentive to have more sex which will in turn increase the passion within your relationship. What starts off as something a bit formal can be enough to reignite your passion.

Another highly recommended option is to relearn the art of seduction. All partners who have a passionate relationship know how important seduction is. Unfortunately couples often forget how important it is to seduce each other especially the longer they’ve been in a relationship together. Go on a surprise date night together, or cook a meal, or surprise your partner with a bedroom full of candles and some sexy lingerie.

In a passionate relationship your mission is to win your partner over every day and every night. Make that your priority and watch how the passion reignites in your relationship.



Simon Samuels

Relationship Researcher & Coach: Creating Healthy Relationships @ www.simonsamuels.com